Counting Sheep

Sleep surpassed food as my Favorite Thing Ever many a bland peanut butter sandwich ago.  I crave it.  I worship it.  Sleep is my deity.  

It shouldn't be hard to imagine, then, my dismay when I realized the typically quiet and respectful gentleman who resides in the apartment above mine is prone to the worship of all things football.  His church is more southern Baptist to my Catholic; while mine values strict adherence to silent worship, his is a hooting, hollering good time.  Myself, I like a good football game, but even the best football game doesn't come close to a good night's sleep.  

Not one to encourage the prohibition of practicing one's faith, I sought solace.   Peace was found in a local Brookstone store, it came in the form of a white noise machine.  My nights have been filled with the same noise that ends Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band album--sonic emptiness in the form of static white noise.  

Last night, after a lovely dinner and bit of comic entertainment, I meandered home through my typically quiet neighborhood and was a bit disturbed to see large trucks with enormous jackhammers going at my road like a mosquito on exposed skin.  Allow me to clarify- I was first confused by the Batman-paging lighting scheme that allowed for the construction crew to indiscriminately penetrate my residential neighborhood.   I quickly checked my own closet for a misplaced latex suit- lest I was the One sought (not to be confused with That One).  Upon finding nothing hanging but cotton and wool, I jacked up my white noise maker and attempted my nightly worship of down comforters and sweatpants.  

It is safe to say that while I was able to win the battle with my neighbor, aided by my secret white noise weapon, I lost the war with the City construction crew last night.  I reached a breaking point around 2:30 am; speaking aloud to myself I likened the glaring light to Gestapo interrogation techniques and considered a quick trip into the cold to reason with the drillers.  

Instead, I pumped my white noise machine so loudly that my footballing neighbor may have had an unlikely dream segue that every TV at Buffalo Wild Wings had switched from NFL coverage to static.  I fell into a troubled sleep and awoke unsatisfied.  Tonight, I shall do penance and hope to redeem my faith in horizontal worship.