Buyer's Remorse

It is a recession, people! Why, oh why, are the carrels distributing impractical wrap dresses, gag gifts and zipper bags booming in Faneuil Hall while the average American struggles to make ends meet? Why must my commute home be polluted with the noise of, "It's a zipper!!" (not to be confused with this) Really?

But the most egregious offender of the 'crap that should be neither sold nor bought during a recessionary period (or ever really)' is the newest addition to the Ultimate Tourist Shopping Center: Michal Negrin. The hideous combination of flowers, Victorian prints and little naked plastic baby figurines is vomit-licious and it's blatant, yet misguided allusions to Michelangelo's art must have the poor genius more post-mortem upset than the Ninja Turtles even did. I have to avert my eyes away from the scary images on display in the shop's window and seriously question the emotional stability of those browsing the racks.

For those of you who are unaware of what I'm talking about, please see:

- Example A (AHHHH!)

- Example B (at the cheap, cheap price of $866)

- Example C (What kind of pre-pubescent baby having baby thing is she promoting?!)

It's enough to make a girl long for the simplistic hideousness of a unflattering wrap dress.

Self-Preservation is a Full Time Occupation

Years ago, on my first foray into the wild world of the Adult Table at my family's Christmas Eve festivities, I found myself laughing inappropriately during a very somber toast/blessing delivered by my grandfather. Quickly realizing that the story regarding the infirmed was not being told in jest- and that there is very little funny regarding the infirmed...period- I went into shame mode for the rest of the night. Last night, I awoke at 2:43 a.m. in shame mode again. Remembering an inappropriate laugh that exploded from me during a recent toast during a wedding brought me back to my failed attempt at adulthood among my family members at the Christmas table years earlier. My social awkwardness had tarnished yet another good night's rest and chance at being 'appropriate' and adept at navigating the difficult terrain of adulthood (whether seated at the official table or not).

Each night this week, I have awoken between 2:30 and 3:00 a.m. to fret about my frequent fumbles and misspeaks. Each morning I attempt to rationalize that which a mid-summer-night's panic attack can not. I try to remember the lovely people who are in my life and seem to enjoy (tolerate?) me despite my incredible awkwardness, the times when I actually say something Important and Profound (extremely rare, but encouraging nonetheless), and the slim likelihood that others remember my awkwardness for the days/months/years that I remain embarrassed about them.

(Ir)Regardless, I am now exhausted. And, it should be noted, have been perpetually demoted to the 'young adults' table at Christmas time.

*Title was taken from an AWESOME Ani DiFranco song who, at age 19, was way more profound than I will ever be.

Republicanger

I have not gone on a political rampage of late- since HRC's campaign, really- but a conversation/argument that occurred this past weekend with an uncle rendered me sleepless for a second night in a row and I must vent. Bear with me, this is long. Said Uncle, quite genial in 'real life', becomes a hawkish punk when the topic of governance arises in conversation. The following is his premise and that which I said AND what I wished I had said:

- UncleGOP: Government should be run like a business: deficit spending should be impermissible

-- Blogger: Really? Which business did you have in mind? GM or AIG?

- UncleGOP: Our tax money should not be spent in support of those that do not contribute to the progress and success of the nation.

--Blogger: So the 9.6% of people nation-wide that have been laid off should just leave? I'm sure you know someone who has a family, is a good citizen but is currently not 'contributing' to society. Want them to leave?

-UncleGOP: There are no legal immigrants. In my mind, these 'legal immigrants' do not deserve to receive anything from me- especially health insurance.

--Blogger: They are Taxpayers! They are in the process! They are contributing members to society (you hypocrite. re: see above GOP assertion).

And on, and on, and on until this blogger looked at her elder and said: We clearly do not see the role of government and the importance of the safety net in the same way and I am just going to choose to disengage from this conversation.

But then I became very frustrated with myself.

If I've learned anything from my current job, it's that communicating a policy idea effectively is as, if not more, important as the idea itself. Health Care Reform efforts from Washington are being misrepresented-- both because of juvenile, outrageous behavior of its detractors but also due to failure to present the absolutely essential reform as absolutely essential.

Health Care is bankrupting the nation; those of us that are currently covered feel this inexcusable market pattern in the 8-12% increase in our premiums each year. The uninsured cost our country more and more each year and, the millions of adults aside, there are millions of American children who are not receiving the primary and preventative care that will set them up for a healthy, productive life as American adults (read: taxpayers/contributors to society/etc.). Our current situation, by any standard, is unreasonable, unsustainable and unacceptable. Yet, a majority of Americans (well-educated, thinking Americans) are unsure whether Health Care Reform is really necessary or just a giant leap into socialism.

Here are somethings that I want the Democrats to say in 5th grade language, with accompanying visuals and charts that any 2nd grader could read and understand:

- You are in charge of your own insurance. If you like it, keep it! No changes, nothing will happen to you. I see these people on the side of said visual--out of the legislated realm of HCR. Individuals as well-informed as my grandfather are confused by this point and it really should not be so opaque. President Obama has said this over and over yet the more emotive, simplistic language of the opposition is ringing louder among voters. Hence, we need some pictures and simplistic phrases (Karl Rove style...but for the good guys)

{A problem with producing the simplistic, visual presentation to combat the naysayers (some may call them LIARS) is that they need to be generated by the legislature, who have their heads so far up their asses that they can't decide upon a bill. There is a necessary, but daunting, tension for the administration to both 'sell' HRC but not 'drive' its progress. Congress needs to step up, get on message and just repeat the message over and over. Rinse and repeat.}

- Care Coordination means you will have MORE face time with your doctor, have less wait time for appointments and get exactly the tests you need. Rationing is a big scary word bandied about by the opposition. The administration is attempting to counter this scary one-worder with stats explaining the accepted truth that ~30% of Health Care spending is used on wasteful tests and procedures. The current system rewards quantity of care, not quality. Proponents of HCR need to get individuals out telling their stories about wasteful, unhealthy treatments and procedures they've received. They need to flood the blogs, the news sites, local community gatherings etc. and give real world examples as much as possible to get 'regular folks' to see that care coordination means more primary and preventative care (which, ironically, is way cheaper than secondary and mitigative care), more time with your doctor and more freedom/choice with what a person can do with their own health. Republicans love freedom and choice right? (unless it involves anything that happens in a bedroom, of course)

- Money. Yes, HCR is expensive. Super expensive. But not nearly as expensive as the war in Iraq has been. I'm telling you, draw me (and everyone else who doesn't hold a PhD in Finance) a picture about how we will pay for it. Compare it on a chart to other expenses to show how little it is in comparison to National Defense. Then promote health care reform as a matter of national defense. A sick, broke nation can not defend itself on the battlefield or in the battle for economic sustainability. I may be liberal, but I don't want another unsustainable entitlement to come home to roost in 10-15 years- especially when the precedent of such is two big government entitlements (SSI and Medicaid) that are on the verge of collapse. I want to be told, over and over, why HCR is different.

Keep it simple, keep it straight and be honest. The truth is on our side on this one- we just need to get a LOT better at speaking to it.

Kim Jong-Il: Not in my family, but still crazy

President Clinton, on the first trip to North Korea that a US President has made since Jimmy Carter in 1994, apparently chose the 'sea theme' at the Glamour shots studio for this official picture. You can tell it's official, by the way, because no one is smiling. No crazy fun in North Korea, just a little Kim Jong-Il lunacy.

Family Bios: Sister Dancing Queen.

Upon the urging of a stylish and comical friend from Grad school, I'm jumping back into this blogging thing. I am going to warm up with some short pieces that offer some insight into the seemingly normal but actually bizarre group of people I call "my family".

This past week Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg when he relied upon his elasticized waistband to provide sufficient support for his illegal firearm. On the same day that I found myself shaking my head at the sheer stupidity of his actions, I wound up stuck at a nature reservation where I went for a walk with my sister Dancing Queen. Said sister relied on her elasicized waist band to hold her keys; keys which, naturally, slipped out of her waistband at some unknown location in the reservations. She and I reversed our hike to find the needle-in-a-haystack keys in a reservation that all of a sudden felt as big and vast as Yosemite. We engaged any and all passersby to help us and finally a kind gentleman with a Golden Retriever chased DQ down, keys in hand. A few individuals a couple paces back cheered.

DQ, for all her qualities and implied dancing aptitude, is not a details person. Details, such as, remembering to hold on to the items that will allow her to enter and drive away from her current location. Things always tend to work out for DQ though, there is always a guy with a Golden Retriever to make her day one of many funny anecdotes, rather than the costly and frustrating situation into which it could have evolved.

A legendary DQ occurrence happened when she was visiting me during the dark years of my adulthood. I offered her my car to inspire herself sight seeing of the scenic strip mall after strip mall ambiance that Houston offers a visitor, while I attempted to inspire ESL 6th graders to give a crap about ancient cultures. Lost and paused at a stop light in one of the more dodgy neighborhoods in Htown, DQ sped-dialed my dad and asked this highly helpful question: "Dad I'm at a stop light and there is a gas station on my right. Should I take a left or right." My dad, in Boston, said, "RIGHT!" DQ made the right and somehow found her way to my school to pick me up in time for dismissal.

And although karma seems to be consistently on her side, I would not advise that she obtain an illegal weapon and/or use her waistband as a means to safeguard it. Pretty sure that Golden Retriever walkers would take as kindly to helping her out.