This week has been rough at work. The light at the end of the tunnel ended up being a reflection off the nail of the giant middle finger that the economy has been sticking up at us; we wearily plod along. Tuesday was a particularly difficult day marked by poor communication among people necessary for me to do my job, Pelosi making the democrats look bad and sleep deprivation due to a whirlwind bachelorette party. I trudged home, a beaten woman, and was assaulted by the Guilt Team.
If you live, have lived, or even have visited a pedestrian city then you are familiar with the Guilt Team. Young, smiley individuals in smocks that bear the name of their charity of choice ask you a binary question that either sucks you into a sales pitch or makes you sound like a people, place, thing (nouns) hating ignoramus. Questions such as:
- Do you have a minute to protect the environment?
- Can you spare 5 minutes to support gay marriage?
or
or
- Would you like to stop violence against women?
Answering no to any of these questions frames the most-likely kind person as a Hitler-esque totalitarian, hell bent on 'getting somewhere' without 'giving back'. The question that stumped me this terrible Tuesday was: Do you care about kids?
"Yes", I said, in a slightly smug manner,"I taught for 4 years." In other words, I've walked the walk...leave me alone. "Great!", reacted the smock-wearer and proceeded to go on a 10 minute speech including pictures, sentimental letters and maps (did he know I love maps?) of poverty stricken areas in Africa and Asia. For only $22/month, I could sponsor a child and basically save her from a life of poverty. Or, implied Sir Smock, I could continue to buy lattes everyday and this child will waste away in misery. He persisted, insisting that my frown (per bad day) would be turned upside down by knowing that I had helped the world in some small way.
He gave me a "I am so disappointed in you" parental look when I turned him down (for the third time). The rest of the night, I felt like a terrible person/child-abuse supporter.
Then I got over it.
