Supermarket Swept

Local Friend and I attempted to reenact an episode of Supermarket Sweep yesterday as we plowed our way through the wide aisles of the bulk food store that bears the unfortunate name of BJ's.  Historically, I'm not a fan of mega-stores that strain local businesses and make me believe that I, too, need 400 caplets of Immodium A-D 'just in case'; I was not excited during our drive home from the Cape when she received the call that she was responsible for picking up supplies for an afternoon BarBeQue at our Local Pool.  She and I divided and conquered to pick up no less than 160 frozen hamburgers, 14 bags of hamburger and/or hot dog rolls, 165 bottles of water and one package of brown-rice California rolls (my concession prize for such a large purchase of Grade B meat and nutrient-free meat nestlers).  The difficulty of placement for some of our BBQ necessities among the floor to ceiling displays of oversized wonderment were no match for us as we tossed our needs into our two carts with abandon.  

As we approached the counter, void of other customers and practically begging for us to check out, local friend noted, "This is really going our way!"   It was at this moment that Murphy's Law commenced and my hatred for BJ's was rekindled.  Our check-out attendant (is that the politically correct way of stating 'scanner'?) was among the slowest moving people I've ever encountered.  EVER.  If the tortoise could out run the fabled hare, this scanner would have been lapped by the tortoise, witnessed the birth of baby tortoises and been passed by the turtle, the evolutionary offspring of the tortoise.   Apparently the item count at a bulk store matters a lot to the overall success of the enterprise and we looked highly likely to throw our count off balance by somehow hiding a 64 ounce bottle of Pepto Bismol or something equally conspicuous in our open carts.  Said attendant glared at me in suspicion when I helped her in her 7th recount of our rolls, then continued in her mission to reveal us as thieves as she held the California rolls up in disgust as if it had jumped into our meat-erific cart by accident and was trying to pull a fast one on her.  She then called another attendant over to conduct a 34th recount of our items on the occasion of her's coming out inaccurate again.  Local friend attempted to end the ridiculous 1st grade counting session by saying, "I don't care if I've overpaid, I just need to get out of here," to no avail.  The counting continued and 35 minutes later Local Friend and I were released from our hell (after it was deemed that our items were accurate and fully paid for after all).  

We definitely would have not won super market sweep.  We would have been so slow that they would have had to show a real time update of our shameful finish during the following half hour of Shop 'til you Drop.