Black Ice; An Ode to my Puffer Jacket.

My dad brought a bit of the Beijing Olympics into our house this summer. Every now and again, he would enter the kitchen pour himself a cup of coffee and stick the landing-- In celebration of the most cursory of activities, he’d assume the arms-up-feet-together-huge-grin pose that occurs at the end of every successful gymnastic apparatus event in Serious Competition.

Last week, vulnerable from a the deadly combination of a exhaustion with a relentless work schedule, targeted by the cunning black ice that lines Boston’s sidewalks, I lost my sense of balance. For three straight days last week, I found myself completely sprawled on the various sidewalks as a result from serious, full-body-commitment falls.

Day One (Tuesday- a New Day in America): The New Day in America turned out to be not a good day for this blogger. Upon my first step onto my apartment building’s landing, my foot skidded on black ice and I proceeded to engage in a slow motion fall down the three steps that separate my landing from the sidewalk. My lower back slammed back into the bottom step and I sat, stunned, on the sidewalk for a solid two uncomfortable, cold minutes before I fully processed what had happened.

Difficulty: 8
Execution: 2
Overall Score: SUCK. Serious, nasty bruise on left arm. Backache for entirety of New Day in America.
Landing: Not even close. What my dad would look like if he actually tried to stick a gymnastic landing.

Day Two (Wednesday): Mid-way through the day I wrote a desperate email to a friend petitioning for a few hours of her time that evening to talk about anything BUT work-related topics/remember that I have friends despite my anti-social behavior of late. Obliging, she welcomed me with open arms and an open bottle of cabernet. As I navigated the two blocks of icy terrain that separate our apartments I found my self sliding, base-stealing style, into a full side sprawl on the sidewalk. From a 3rd party’s perspective, it may have appeared as if I got the sudden and urgent need to drop to the floor and do some Jane Fonda-style leg lifts. Rather than engage my adductors, I arose and walked home unscathed.

Difficulty:7
Execution: 6
Overall Score: Decent. Cabernet definitely helped soften the blow
Landing: Slight studder step. 2/10 deduction.

Day Three (Thursday): Exiting the ATM on a prominent street in my Neighborhood I took one step, then another and then upon the third my body dropped directly into seated, cross-legged pose (Indian style for the less politically correct among us). A bit surprised by the unprompted bodily surrender into the sidewalk, I was able to catch the glimpse of a concerned couple who were not expecting me to collapse right in front of them- and certainly not collapse with such bodily organization. Together, the three of us laughed it off and I was able to proceed on my way.

Difficulty: 9
Execution: 9
Overall Score: Awesome. My reign as champion faller is redeemed.
Landing: Mary Lou Retton would be proud.